God is trying to get into my thick skull right now!

Well, I got a new car. I said goodbye to my ol' friend the two-door bug and traded it in for a newer, non stick shift, four door car with MUCH fewer miles on it. My ol' VW had a lot of issues that cost too much. My new car is a white Dodge Neon SXT. I like the fact that the CD player holds 5 CDs at once. I really love my new car and it's so pretty. I wish I could upload a pix of it. Oh well...

So that's the latest news about what is going on with me on the outside, but in the past month or so I've had a lot of things going on mentally. I've been thinking a lot lately but I've gotten into a very strange habit, recently, of not really saying a whole lot of my deepest thoughts and I haven't written in my journal either. Both are the most abnormal thing for me for sure! I've held some things in awhile, hencely, I'm kinda out of practice at translating from my brain to explaining so that my thought can make sense to others. I don't know if I can get it in words very easy.

Well... hmmm... how to start... Ok. I felt convicted over the fact that I had no joy unless I could be a "social butterfly" (as mom calls me) and be around lots of different groups of friends. I was never satisfied either. I always wanted more. Being around people helped me escape my unhappiness. Now I see what that unhappiness was and it was not something I needed to escape from. It was something I needed to turn and face. That lack of joy was a desperate need to make God my everything. Oh yes I feel that God was my friend and I would like to say He was my everything but unfortunately He was not. In order for Christ to be my all he needed to be the only one I needed for joy and contentment, the only one that satisfied and my only escape. Friends are great and wonderful but in my case I felt God calling me to give up pursuing any social life. I took that step and as soon as I really made the decision to obey and listen to that little tug on my heart I have felt so much peace. I am currently working for Mom at home and pretty much the only thing I do besides hang with family is go to church. This is really a time of burning away my own desires and a time of overcoming. I know this is only a time and it will pass. I keep thinking and praying that song Jeremy Camp sings...
Holy fire
Burn away
My desire
Of anything
That is not of You
And is of me
I want all of You
And less of me

Empty me, Empty me
Fill ,won't You fill me
With you, Lord, with You
'Cause I want more.... I want more of you Jesus...

Anyway, the Lord is working on me and I can already see that He has helped me overcome some major "idols" in my life. Idols, to me, are things that come before God. I have found out that you can have things in your life that come before God and not even realize it. We have to examine every part of our lives and ask ourselves... "What is ruling me?" What makes me different? How am I being set apart from (meaning, unlike) the world? What do I dwell on the most?" Then we should answer our questions honestly!

I have to confess one thing that hurts the most is looking around and not seeing much of a difference between Christians and non-believers and then looking inward and seeing that I have that same pull to keep becoming less like a follower of Christ and more a slave to self! Oh God... I pray that He keep saving me from myself and help me continue to renew my mind and stay steadfast in Him. I want to help other people see that there is so much more to it then Just getting "saved". If we believe in God our savior then we will truly believe that His way is better then our way even when we don't understand. If we believe this then we ought to act like we do and give up everything to follow Him! Y'all this is serious and scary and exciting!

I pray that, somehow, God will touch you and and help you feel what He is making me feel right now. We all should feel such a burden! Please examine yourself and ask God to show you what you must give for Him. Do we believe in Christ, that His way is better then our way. Then lets live it like we mean it! Like it's the single most important thing in our whole lives! Our purpose is to live to glorify God! The more you say no to yourself and yes to God the easier it is to make more right choices! Living for Christ is VERY HARD but WORTH IT! =)

Pray for me y'all I have so much more that God is trying to get into my thick skull right now. So much that I must change!